The Flip Side Of No

What Does “No” Mean?

When we see or hear the word “no”, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? What does “no” mean to you?

This small-simple word is powerful and it can ignite some emotions when we someone tell us “no”. It can also help save us from harmful situations like slipping on wet concrete while running around the underground pool.

For others, the word “no” can stop dreams from becoming a reality, it can save us from making foolish decisions or it can motivate us to fight against all the odds and pursue our passions. 

There are numerous examples of how this word is used but according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, here are some ways to use the word No.”

Definition of NO:

  1. used as a function word to express the negative of an alternative choice or possibility
    • shall we go out to dinner or no
  2. in no respect or degree used in comparisons
    • you’re no better than the rest of us
  3. not so used to express negation, dissent, denial, or refusal 
    • no, I’m not going
  4. used as a function word to emphasize a following negative or to introduce a more emphatic, explicit, or comprehensive statement
    • its big, no, it’s gigantic

Now, how can I, or we, benefit from hearing the word “no“?

When Someone Tells You “No”

How do you respond when someone is telling you “no”? Approaching this question with the right attitude is best described by an inspirational speaker from the Oprah Winfrey Network, John Gray. He is known for his    He uses his early dating experience with his (now) wife, Aventer Gray, as an example. He shared this:John Gray

I was courting my wife and we were watching a movie in my house and it got a little late that night. I remember after the movie went off, and we said our goodbyes, I just went on to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and didn’t think anything about it until I got an email. In the email, it basically said something like this…

‘Who do you think you are? How dare you not call to check and see if I made it home! I’m not some floosie off the street. I’m a woman of God and you are going to respect me or you won’t have the chance to disrespect meI’m worthy of honor.‘”

Can you imagine getting an email like that from someone you just starting dating? Would someone like this intimidate you?

John goes on reading the email and it stated that he should never call Aventer again. Then, she ended the email with a swift goodbye.

John knew that Aventer was the one when he finished reading her email. She boldly stood up for herself and created boundaries for the respect she was seeking to get from a man.

I believe everyone should create boundaries of what is acceptable for how we need to be treated. 

If you were in this situation, what do you do? Do you contact the man/woman immediately or do you grant their wish and never call again?

If you said that you would never call again, that’s why you are single!

John states that you better call her back because you have to listen to what they (a woman) really means. The no was not actually a no but an invitation.

Sometimes no is an invitation to step up! It’s an opportunity to become more and grow. Sure, an attraction is important – but it falls into the distant background behind considerations like trust, comfort, and very importantly: Respect.

So, John immediately calls Aventer back [laughing] and convinces her to have lunch with him.

Had John accepted her no in 2009 then he would not have become a better man with two kids. A faithful man!

Sometimes you’ve heard no and you have walked away but let me help you with something that will change your life.

Believe that you are going to have a breakthrough moment, expect things are going to shift in your favor. If you have played it safe for too long or you’ve heard “no” too many times then now is the time for doors to open in your life.

The Flip Side Of No

The flip side of no or the other side of no as John describes it is an open door. In order to walk through that door, what you need to bring to the table is your will.

The most valuable thing humans have is willpower. If you want to impress and please a man or woman, then give them your will. 

You might have a lot of money, a flashy car, good-looks, and clean house but if you don’t give your will, to pursue a man or woman respectfully, then nothing else matters and you will only walk into a closed-door or come up empty.

Having stuff is cool but there’s nothing better than giving YOU, your will, to someone else. So, walk through that open door with a purpose and create opportunities or live with regret for the rest of your life.

Harness that willpower to not only pursue relationships but to also advance your passions, heal yourself, and carry out your dreams in life.

How To Confront No

How many times have you heard no? There’s no reason to take no as the final answer because there is something on the other side of no.

Sometimes you get so many no’s that you stop believing, you quit working towards your goal, you stop filling out applications, or you become afraid to pick up the phone, etc.

Here is the good news, there is an expiration date on all your no’s. On the other side of no is an invitation to press on, to stretch, and to fight. The expiration date can only occur when you decide to, so make a choice to end the revolving door of no’s.

Develop this attitude of being sick and tired of being told no. Believe that you deserve great things and take action to change your life. For every no let’s flip it with a yes I can.

What you need to when people who keep telling you no and reinforcing no is to turn your head away from the voices, the people or the situation. Do not get distracted by your circumstances because your circumstances is a setup to step up.

You could be in the middle of something that hurts. If you feel like your circumstances are breaking you or no one is there to help pull you out. Remember, the power of no hovering over your life is under your control.

Life is going to beat you down and people are not always fair but believe there is a higher power at work. According to my spiritual faith and what I believe, God promises his saints that we would live a full life and to die satisfied of the years lived.

I’m going to die satisfied with my life and you have the choice to have that too.

How come I can’t conceive? Keep praying!

How come my child won’t act right? Keep praying!

How come my husband or my wife is not acting right? …

This job, I’m searching but everybody is saying no….

How come these people are hating on me, whispering behind my back?

How come no one wants to encourage me?

Because sometimes you need to learn how to encourage yourself! Everybody is not going to be your cheerleader. So you need cheer yourself up, get yourself hyped, pump yourself up, and believe you are above and not beneath.

Say Yes

This is a season for you to encourage yourself and when you hear a no then you need to declare a yes!

I don’t know what you’ve heard, what your life looks like, what your health looks like, what your bank account looks like, what your relationship is like, what your marriage is like, where your career is going, or what’s going on in your mind but I want you to know that today is the turn around.

Take charge of your turn around and change direction. Start steering that wheel and drive to your destination!

For those who believe in a God, believe that He is determined to bless you. He is determined to go beyond your needs. He is determined to break you out of debt. He is determined to heal your body. He is determined to restore your marriage. He is determined to fight for your children. He is determined to give you the dream that’s been in your heart!

The flip side of no is an opportunity to stretch, to trust, and believe that your life will get better.

One yes can change your future…. the life you have waited for.

  • Yes to that project
  • Yes to that business
  • Yes to that idea
  • Yes to that store
  • Yes to that movie
  • Yes to that book
  • Yes, yes, yes….

What do you need to start saying yes to? Then start saying no to your no’s and sing that song by Ludacris, “Move b**ch, get out the way, get out the way b**ch, get out the way!”

For all my spiritual believers, say “Move [devil], get out the way, get out the [devil], get out the way!”

It’s time for the no’s to take a step back and get out of the way.


Author Maria Roark

Writer and Mommapreneur










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